Set the frame before the questions
Pick a moment without distractions. Remind each other that “I don’t know” and “not now” are valid answers. You’re not signing a contract, you’re mapping what attracts you, what intrigues you and what doesn’t work.
Gentle questions to start
- What makes you most comfortable talking about intimacy?
- What’s a simple gesture that makes you feel desired day to day?
- One thing you’d like us to try, or stop doing?
- Do you prefer talking about desires before, during, or after?
Slightly spicier questions
- A fantasy you find exciting to imagine, even if you don’t want to live it?
- Is there a place, a time or a tone of voice that changes everything for you?
- On a scale of 1 to 5, where would you place trying something new this month?
- What would help you feel safe enough to dare a little more?
If a question creates discomfort, slow down. The goal isn’t to say everything at once, it’s to build a habit of talking.
When a game or app helps
Some people open up more easily through a game format. Amoris Play can be a playful spark; Amoris Match is built to cross desires without exposing them too early. Either way, the conversation stays yours.
24 questions by comfort level
Level 1 - closeness:
- What recent moment made you feel close to me?
- Which compliment would you like to hear more?
- What helps you unwind before intimacy?
- Do you prefer spontaneity or a planned moment?
- Which non-sexual affection matters most?
- When do you feel most available?
- What should I understand better about your pace?
- Which memory of us still makes you smile?
Level 2 - desire:
- What makes you feel wanted without pressure?
- Which atmosphere detail changes your mood?
- Do you prefer guiding, being guided, or alternating?
- What small novelty would you try?
- Which word or gesture clearly means “continue”?
- What makes a suggestion inviting rather than pushy?
- How much humor do you want?
- What would you enjoy doing more often?
Level 3 - boundaries and fantasies:
- Which fantasy belongs in imagination only?
- What conditions would make a curiosity feel safe?
- What is “not now” rather than “never”?
- What might show you are struggling to say stop?
- How would you like reassurance after something new?
- Any word, role or mood you want excluded?
- How should we revisit a declined idea?
- What would make an experience genuinely successful?
The three-answer rule
Allow yes, no and I don’t know yet. Never demand a reason after no. Reflect back what you heard before answering yourself. A shared interest still requires a separate talk about conditions and consent.
Frequently asked questions
How many questions? Three to five are enough for a first conversation. Stop before it feels like an interview.
What if our answers differ? Thank each other for being honest. Find common ground or accept the difference; nobody needs persuading.